Enjolras Family Rules
by thrillifying
Summary: "Rule #50 This list is to be followed at all costs. No, we're not being dictators and this does not count as a reason to start a home-rebellion with your little sister waving a red flag." Because we all know Enjolras and Éponine's little rebels will need some rules to follow.


**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the idea.

**Note**: _Italicized_ is Enjolras' rules, plain is Éponine's. Modern AUish. I own the names of their children.

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Enjolras Family Rules

**#1**

_Mom is no longer in love with Uncle Marius._

_Would you honestly want _him _to be your father?_

**#2**

Do not question your father's sexual orientation.

Though Uncle Grantaire makes some _very _good points, and we've been questioning it for years.

**#3**

_If you're going to build a barricade in the living room, clean up afterwards._

**#4**

"But mom did it!" is not a valid excuse for sneaking out of the house in boy's clothing.

**#5**

_Red is a wonderful color._

_Stop questioning it._

**#6**

Don't let Uncle Courf teach you how to flirt!

**#7**

_No going near Uncle Grantaire's "special drink"._

**#8**

Even though your Uncle Joly is a doctor, if he tells you your common cold is actually pneumonia, please ignore him.

**#9**

_Staying within three feet of Uncle Bossuet is not going to get his bad luck to rub off on you._

**#10**

On that note, never believe anything Uncle 'Taire says when he's drunk.

**#11**

_No standing on your desk at school and shouting "Vive le republique!"_

**#12**

If you're going to ask a girl out by writing her poems and sonnets, you are not allowed to get Uncle Jehan to do it for you.

**#13**

_Uncle 'Ferre is in no way confusing. Don't avoid him just because he uses big words and talks to you about philosophy._

Ignore your father. I do it sometimes too.

**#14**

Singing and/or reciting "Little People" when we send you to your room is not allowed. Why did Gavroche teach you that song in the first place?

**#15**

_You're not allowed to get Uncle Feuilly to do all of your art projects!_

**#16**

No making fun of your little sister just because they can't pronounce _Enjolras_ correctly!

**#17**

_Don't follow Mom's example. If you're in the friend zone, get over it._

**#18**

"But dad did it!" is not a valid excuse for getting arrested.

**#19**

Neither is it for starting a rebel group.

**#20**

Actually, it's not a good excuse for anything stupid that you're planning to do.

**#21**

_No dirtying the "red vest of doom"._

**#22**

Singing Next to Normal songs ("Superboy and the Invisible Girl") to describe my relationship with your father is unappreciated.

**#23**

_Your grandparents are not evil, and yes we're talking about both sides. You are allowed to ignore them anyway._

**#24**

"French revolution!" is not an appropriate response for any knock knock joke.

**#25**

_Getting expelled because you started a student rebellion is not acceptable._

**#26**

You are not allowed to ask your father to tell the story of "who he had to become in order to me". Everytime you do, you are given a three week ban from How I Met Your Mother.

**#27**

_Whenever we mention the past, you are not allowed to stand on a table and proclaim "Anarchy! Revolution! Justice screaming for solution!"_

**#28**

Uncle 'Taire isn't gay, he just really admires your father.

**#29**

_No making a Friends of the ABC club with your 'cousins'._

**#30**

Okay maybe you can.

But no getting killed!

**#31**

_Don't bother me when it's June 4._

**#32**

Uncle Combeferre isn't the reason why mom and dad are together. Don't believe him.

**#33**

_No coming up with more random definitions for the colors Red and Black._

**#34**

No making fun of Aunt Cosette. She is not a dumb blonde.

**#35**

_Asking Uncle Marius for "stalker-tips" is not allowed._

**#36**

No shouting "No one cares about your lonely soul!" to your brother whenever he starts talking about his girlfriend. That line is reserved for your Uncle Marius and him only.

**#37**

Faye, just because Uncle Courf's your namesake, you are still not supposed to sleep with anything that moves.

**#38**

_You are not allowed to have intelligence competitions between your brother and your uncle just to see which Ferre is smarter._

**#39**

_Trying to set up Uncle 'Taire and Aunt 'Zelma is unappreciated._

Your father is an idiot when it comes to love. Please disregard the above rule.

**#40**

No making gagging noises around Aunt Cosette and Uncle Marius.

_Don't mind your mom with that rule. I'm fine with it._

**#41**

"I'm building a barricade!" is not an excuse for throwing unwanted furniture out the window.

**#42**

_If you want to sing Broadway songs with Uncle Jehan, you must memorize the lyrics first or else he will murder you._

**#43**

No scaring your little sister with stories of the evil Javert!

**#44**

_Whenever your mother and I_ do _show public displays of affection, you are not allowed to run around screaming "It's the apocalypse!"_

**#45**

You are not supposed to give Uncle Bossuet four leaf clovers on his birthday.

**#46**

_We'll explain to you who Bahorel was and what happened to him one day. Promise. Now stop bugging us about it._

**#47**

Don't look at me weirdly when it starts to rain!

**#48**

_Stop asking your brother when he and Pontmercy's daughter are getting married._

Her name is Fantine, Gabriel. Get used to it.

**#49**

Attempting to get the other kids at school to play "Revolution" with you is not allowed anymore ever since your teacher called home.

**#50**

This list is to be followed at all costs. No, we're not being dictators and this does not count as a reason to start a home-rebellion with your little sister waving a red flag.

Love,

Mom and _Dad_

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**Author's Note**: Just to clear up any confusion, I imagine the Enjolras and Éponine to have three kids, the eldest named after Combeferre. I thought it would be cute for him to be dating Cosette and Marius' kid, a girl named Fantine. They have a daughter named Faye and another daughter who's still really young and toddler-ish.

What's your favorite rule? Tell me in the reviews!

If any of you are kind enough, or want to read more of my stories, I currently have a multi-chap RENT AU going on called **525 600**. Please read it and review!

Review this story too!

Yours truly,  
thrillifying


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